Old Lady Baby

When she was 7 years old she saw a man get shot but, no one came for a long time because it happened in a remote parking lot in Las Vegas.
And she was waiting for her mom to come back from working the blackjack table at the Circus Circus casino.
And that night her mom said that the two of them and the now dead guy were the only 3 people who ever really lived in Las Vegas.
Everybody else just arrived, ate their complimentary shrimp cocktail, and left.

Now this is based on a true story with only a few minor fabrications. It was just like any other day except that the sun had started to set around 4:30 so I went outside early for my last cigarette break. Only breaking from laying in bed all day. So I sat down in my usual spot on the first of 2 steps outside my front door and lit up my death stick. It was quite a bit later than 4:30 and very dark by now but not late enough I thought for the coyotes, skunks, opossums, ferrets, coons, and other wild animals to be getting into shenanigans. When smoking in the dark, I usually become entranced by the swirling smoke coming off of my cigarette which is why I didn’t immediately look over to my left when I noticed something poking its head out from the tall skinny imitation topiary on my neighbors side of the stoop no more than two feet away from me. I figured it was my spirit guide and neighbor’s cat Isabella. So I took my eyes off of the smoke for a second and pondered why Isabella had dark circles around her eyes and how she managed to change the shape of her face so as to have more of a “snout”. Isabella gets into a lot of shit which is why I thought these possibilities were possible. One time her orange spots had mysteriously turned black for a few weeks. I have no idea how she managed that. Any way, after a good few seconds I realized my new cohort was not Isabella but a large, ugly opossum. I took another drag. Mr. Opossum stood and watched me for a while until I offered him what was left of my smoke. He did not accept. I realize the cruelty of this gesture now for he had no way of holding the cigarette up to his mouth and I wasn’t going to get close enough to what I assume are like needles hiding inside his mouth to hold it for him. So I finished, threw the butt down, stomped on it for a second and ushered it into the corner after the last stair where 4 other butts had already piled up. I stood up and off went my new chum. I didn’t get a chance to tell him how much I hated his tail because it reminded me of that of a rat. My one and only phobia. I feel like he was better off not knowing how much it disgusted me after all.

For the complete truth and nothing but the truth, inquire within.